Old Dog, Old Tricks

New platform.

I used to write a blog. A few of them, actually. I bought my first domain name in 2006. Over the years, my focus changed, my living situation changed, and in 2010, I eventually settled in on what I thought my final internet home would be.

I had a good run for a couple of years. I was going slowly, posting consistently, and getting lots of interaction from friends and long-lost friends. Then, out of the blue, a woman named Deb cornered me in front of an entire crowd of people at a farewell party. She had an unfortunate habit of welcoming herself directly into your emotional and physical space as if she were entitled to it - and then expressing her firm opinions about what she encountered there.

On this particular day, Deb had something to say about my blog. “I just don’t understand why you would put so much information out on the internet for strangers to read.” At the time, I may have stammered out something about filtering out only the content I chose to share, and not sharing literally my entire life.

But the damage had been done. This was over a decade ago. I put much more stock in whatever rules or performances were required to earn the esteem of others. Especially others I perceived as “better” than me. I could find any metric: Career. Weight. Creativity. Ingenuity. Spirituality. Commitment to recycling. This woman had hit a few of those measures. She was definitely better than me, according to my calculations at the time.

I can hardly believe that this is true, but I largely stopped blogging after Deb made me question my right to tell whatever parts of my life story I choose. At the time, I also questioned my worth, but that’s nothing a decade or so of therapy couldn’t tackle.

Looking back now, I think that the question says more about Deb than it says about me. I would like to say to Deb: “I just don’t understand why you give a flying fuck how someone else chooses to express themselves or how much of their lives they choose to share.”

Fuck off, Deb. This isn’t about you, but I needed to clear that up first for the me that felt ambushed and ashamed by your judgment all of those years ago.

Photo by Tolga Ulkan on Unsplash

I am writing here now. I am not sure where this will lead. I write about many things. I write in many styles and genres. I don’t have a plan or a publishing calendar and I am not making promises that this will be the best thing you read or that it will help you live your life. My goal is to post something once per week.

What I can promise is that I don’t stay inside the lines, I don’t stay in a lane or have a concept of what a lane would even look like for me.

As far as I am concerned, there are no lanes. I do hope you join me for the adventure.

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